Tales from the Hospital

Hello everyone! I have not had a new post in months. I bet you were thinking that I had run of with Cesar Milan:) The Dog Whisperer, not quite. I won the grand prize of four surgeries from March 3rd until March 15th. It was not a whole lot of fun. Ikey got to come and visit me which was the highlight of my days there. At least I had my own room. I have had some very strange and actually Violent roommates. I had this one roommate who cried every 5 minutes for a nurse to come, I have no idea what was wrong with her besides the fact she was a pain in the you know what. When the nurses did not come fast enough for you liking she decided that I needed to help her. I just had surgery, I couldn't walk, she could!. She got very upset when I didn't come over to her bed to help her. She got out of her bed, picked up her walker and threw it at me, no kidding! Her I was scrunched up in my bed as far against the wall as I could get and she is throwing things at me. There were no other rooms available. I had to stay in this room with this woman who screamed at the top of her lungs that people were being mean to her, she wasn't able to smoke, her stupid as%$ husband wasn't visiting her, yep that was a great day. Another time I had a woman who thought God talked to her through a woman in Brazil, but she couldn't get the call to go through. Every two minutes she would pick up the phone and dial a number. She would say a couple words in Spanish and hang up. Now, this would be annoying if she was not on pain killers and speaking in a regular voice. She was so out of it that I don't think she dialed the same number twice, she YELLED into the phone, Rosa Is That You, It's Carmella, ROSA answer me and then she would pass out zzzzzzzzz Rosa Is that you!!! IT"S ME Carmella God%^$& zzzzzzz and asleep she was again. This went on, no lie for the whole day. Finally at around 7pm I asked her if I could dial the number for her. Understand that again I had just had leg surgery, not able to really get out of bed, but god as my witness Carmella was GOING to speak to Rosa. I pulled my stay puff marshmallow leg off the tower of pillows it was on, lowered my bed as far as it would go, and crossed the mighty divide between our beds. Boy was she surprised when I landed on her bed! In her haze she gave me the Brazilian Gods' ( otherwise now and always "Rosa") number. It was about 20 digits long and I had my doubts that I would end up speaking Spanish to Rosa or anyone for that matter. After a long silence the phone actually rang....." Hola, Rosa?, Si, Rosa, IT"S HER!!! I am speaking to the Brazilian God. I told her I had Carmella for her on the line and ...it was like Charo gone wild. AyyayyyaChicychicyayyyyaa CarmellaAYYAAAcoochycoochy. I gave the phone to Carmella and thought my job was done and I could take my staypuff leg and cross the great divide and back to bed ( plus I had to go to the bathroom:)). But....Carmella had her own ideas on what I needed. She decided that I needed to be healed and saved by Rosa! Rosa, the Brazilians God, Rosa, the Charo gone wild coochy coochy was now going to save my soul....and she wanted me to PAY for this great service. WHAT!!!!! I had just gritted my teeth, pulled my stay puff leg off the leaning tower of pillows, crossed the great divide to help poor poor Carmella out and now I had to Pay to talk to CHARO! I can't make this up folks, this is the truth. I kindly told Carmella that I was sure Rosa could save my soul but I really needed to get back to my bed before someone came in to check, as I was ordered NOT to get out of bed. I have had roommates that ONLY watched "Little House on the Prairie" and there is only one tv for every room, a woman who's husband was a drunk and came to visit and swore like a sailor and had more Gas than Mobile, A woman who thought it was 1940's Pittsburgh while we were in Dallas hospital, and the stories go on.

I hope you enjoyed a few fun stories and I hope my next post will be sooner rather than later.

Jennifer and Ikey

Swimming Pools, Movie Stars, It's me Ikey

Guess what everybody??? I got to go to Palm Springs this past weekend. Yup, I got to see where Hollywood goes to play when it's raining or cold in LA or San Diego. I strapped on my scarves, jumped into my convertible and off I went. Well, not quite. I'm a guy so I don't wear scarves, maybe a bandanna now and again, and we don't have a convertible. Mommy has told me stories about her different convertibles, but it makes her sad to think about them, so I guess I shouldn't bring it up. It was raining here Friday when we left and driving through the mountains was S-C-A-R-Y with a doubleYYYY. Dad was driving way too fast for the conditions, at least that was what Mommy was saying "Jon, slow down, your going 55 in a 45", was what I heard. I did feel a little queasy on the ride so maybe he was going a little fast. Mommy rolled the window down so I could put my head out the window for a little bit, but the dust was getting in my eyes, so she closed it again. I love the wind blowing through my beard sometimes, but not when it's raining dirt. I slept most of the way after that....not much else to do in the car. I'm not too good at the license plate game as I am only two and don't know all my numbers yet:) I can play the bridge and tunnel game where you pull up your feet so they don't get wet going over a bridge. In Colorado there were a lot of bridges and tunnels. I stood on the seat for the tunnel to hold it up by my harness, which is much stronger than my legs. As far as bridges, I always have my feet on the seat as not to get them wet:))) See, I can play those games. When we got to Palm Springs, we were not actually staying in Palm Springs but a Place called Rancho Mirage. I hope it's not just a mirage, I see lots of open areas to play ball, and if it's just a mirage, I will be Bummed out..... We had to do something called "check in" and I had to help Mommy down the stairs "step, wait, step, wait" says Mommy, and I follow her instructions by going down one stair with both paws and then waiting. We have been working on stairs for almost a year now, so I think we have gotten it down. I can't believe it's been almost a year that Mommy and I have been a team. She came up to where I was a year ago, and I got to pick Mommy out of all the people that were there. The people at Canine Support Teams let us dogs pick the people that we wanted to work for and I had no doubts about the human I wanted to work for. Mommy was sitting in a chair all by herself away from all the other people. She was sad and afraid and I just wanted to hug and kiss her right off, but I knew if I showed too much interest in her I wouldn't get as many cookies. I played that one right and she gave me HANDFULS of cookies. Maybe I should stop giving so many kisses again?. I picked her and we started working together that week. Later on the next week we went to the movies, Mommy fell on the wet floor and then I had to go visit her at that smelly place. I hate that smelly place with all the pokey things and bad buckets! Enough of that story

The place that we "checked in" told Mommy that the "room" wasn't ready yet. Mommy looked disappointed but Daddy said it was fine and we went someplace that I kind of remembered called a "casino". This "casino" smelled bad, a different smelly place, but smelly all the same to me. It was hard to breath and if you wanted me to sniff out someone in this place I wouldn't be able to do it. The tables had lots of people at them and there was a lot of ringing going on. I heard a familiar "wheel of fortune, tick tock, tick, tock" put I didn't see a "tv". The TV that I did finally see had horses on it. I like horses. Mommy got my harness fixed for me by a guy who has horses. He also had two dogs that wanted to herd me. One named Roper didn't want me to go any closer to his person so I stayed away, but watched for Mommy's safety from the car.

The TV with horses had lots of numbers on it too and lots of people watching it. I have heard that my friends the "greyhounds" run after fake rabbits and humans watch them. I have also heard (gasp, cry) that people MAKE my buddies the "pitbulls" fight each other! I couldn't believe it when I was watching Animal Planet and they said that people make dogs fight each other. What if we dogs made the people fight each other....how would you like that. If you don't fight each other and maybe kill each other than YOU will get killed. Shock and awe is all I have to say about that. I don't want to believe it. I thought we were people's best friends. How could you do that to your best friend....I can't believe it.

Back to this story

So Mom and Dad are waiting to "check in" and we walk around this very LOUD and smelly place looking for something to " pass the time" as Daddy said. He found a "machine" and sat down at it. Mommy and I kept walking. We found a "machine" and sat down". Mommy fed it some money( I don't eat money) and I pushed a button for her. The "machine" started spinning and Mommy got excited for a minute, "One seven, two sevens, three sevens. oh my gosh Ikey, one more and"......nothing, she looked so sad. Then out of nowhere some lady walks up and sits down next to mommy. She says the same thing " One seven, two sevens, three sevens, fours sevens, and a triple bonus Oh My God!!!!"""" Lights start flashing, the woman is screaming and everyone is watching. I look at Mommy and she is not too happy. I wonder why Mommy is not happy?? All the other people around us are happy. Mom gets up and we go find dad. Mom says " I had my choice of two machines to play and guess what, the lady next to me won three hundred dollars". THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!! The way Mommy said that I know that would get me lots of toys and bones. I know Mom spent twenty dollars once at Petsmart for me and Daddy said that was a lot, so THREE HUNDRED Dollars must be more than twenty. On that Mommy and Daddy leave and we go "check in"

We open the door to our "room" and I am in love, yes, in love with "our room". It has lots of room for me to play ball. I don't get to play ball in the "room "at our place because it doesn't have much open space and the other "Kids" are there. This "room" has a lot of open space. I run around for a little bit while Mom and dad check out "the room". Ladeedadaa I go around the room sniffing and playing with my toys....ladeeda..wait...stop the press...hold your bones...it's not...wait it is.... A GOLF COURSE!!! Little white balls are flying everywhere. My head goes left, right, left, right, I can't keep up with them. This is killing me. I want to, no I NEED to, chase these white balls that are flying around right in front of me. Mommy looks at me and can read my mind "No Ikey, you can't go after those", but why not??? That stupid man just hit it into the bushes and can't find it. Finders keepers, losers weepers is my motto! " No Ikey, you can't chase those" Mom says again, louder this time. Okay, Okay I get it...I will wait until dark after those men have left and I will FIND the balls that they couldn't. I know exactly where they are...haha on the men....

After Mom and Dad have put their clothes away and I have had my dinner, we leave in the car so they can have dinner. I don't know why they don't bring their dinner????

Dinner was not very exciting for me, I got to go underneath the table and there were not many crumbs on the floor. Mommy doesn't know that I eat crumbs off the floor at "dinner" places, so puhlease don't tell her, wink wink

After dinner we go for a walk in Palm Springs. I LIKE Palm Springs, wanna know why??? Lots of TREES for me to smell and mark as MY territory. Those Yorkies think it's there town, well, move over pugs, move over yorkies, , there is a new Sheriff in town...They call me MR Labradoodle. Ikey's the name and golf balls is MY game, so don't come near my bushes again...got it! Did I scare you????

After a walk around the town and lots of marking we finally go back to our "room" and I get to go outside

Once outside I immediately run to the bushes where the man couldn't find his ball. There it is, it's right there, where they hit it, how could he not have seen where he hit it. I saw it hours ago and I still know where it is. I am wunderdog...all knowing and all ball seeing..Ikey!!!

I get the golf balls and it's time to go back inside and rest. This place has what they call a "heavenly bed" and boy I agree. Too bad it's white and I will leave my black fur on it, but right now, it's off to puppy dreams for me.....swimming pools, movie stars and the best of all...Palm Trees

Love and licks...Ikey

The Supreme Court Justice

dingbat

NOUN:
Slang. A person regarded as strange, eccentric, or crazy: crackpot, crazy, eccentric, lunatic. Informal : crank, loon, loony. Slang : cuckoo, ding-a-ling, kook, nut, screwball, weirdie, weirdo. See WISE.

Now, this is not a name I have given myself, I wanted you to know that upfront. We will get back to that later.

Classes are going okay. I feel very overwhelmed by the amount of work and homework it is taking to just keep up with everyone else in my classes. The students all seem so energized all the time. I feel like a tired old vaccum next to the Roombas:) Tuesdays and Thursdays are very long. Today is going to be especially long as I have been up since 1 am. I just couldn't stop my brain from thinking about school work and all that I don't know. Tuesdays and Thursdays I have two classes in a row that last about 4 hours. It's long for Ikey too as he just has to lay there on the floor, not making any noises. It's very funny when he starts with his puppy dreams in class. His nose starts twitching, his lip comes up and you can see his teeth, and then the low growl begins. Hurrmmph, Hurrmphh, he sounds like the cowardly lion from the Wizard of Oz!. All the students turn to look over at him and start chuckling to themselves. He really is not bothering anyone as the teacher is deaf. The other day there was VERY loud construction going on outside the classroom. As I was the closest to the door, everyone looked to me for answers. How would I know what they were doing out there? The teacher just kept talking as he can't hear, and we the students couldn't hear the teacher, it was that loud. Finally the teacher realized that he no longer had our rapt attention and asked a student who can sign to let him know what was going on. He told us that we would just have to listen better to hear him over the noise. I missed lots of notes that day and so did most of the class. In this class there is no prerequisite that you have to know sign language. It is SUPPOSED to be a cultural class. The teacher, since he does not have a translator this year, has decided to only call on the students in class that can sign. Since the first day of class this is the way that it has been. The students who can sign, not only sign, but they do not speak either. They can speak, but they have chosen not to when signing. Soooooo, half the class sits there on our thumbs not knowing what the he%^ is going on. There is a great dialog going on between the students who sign and the teacher, while the rest of us pick at our fingernails. FINALLY, after sitting through two weeks of this and knowing that we will get tested on the material, I raised my hand and he actually acknowledged me. " Professor, for those of us that do not sign, could you please translate what these other students are saying, as I am only getting half the conversation". I'm not sure that the students were very happy with me on either side!. The ones who don't sign and don't care would have liked to continue oblivious to what was happening, and the students that were signing were mad that their little game had been discovered. They are so proud of themselves and wanted to show off in front of the rest of us and now they would have to use their voice., oh no..no..not that. The teacher claimed that he was not aware of the students not using their voice and thanked me for pointing it out. It lasted ONE class and the signers are again not using their voices and I am getting as much out of this lecture as Ike who is asleep, perchance to dream:) He is dreaming about this cute Pound Puppy stuffed animal we saw on ebay. He begs me every day for it ( pictured above). Bad mommy hasn't bid on it yet because she is unemployed:)

Okay, back to the Supreme Court. The teacher Barney Fife, or as he would like to be now called Mr. Curemundeon ( he made us look it up) is back from having his baby. Before he left we had some interesting topics covered, none that had to do with first aid. He told us that he was Scott Peterson's golf coach and was one of the last people to be with him before he was arrested. He called on me to identify a picture on the board, who for the life of me, I couldn't place. " It's Perry Mason you dingbat"...moi...a dingbat??? The last person to call me that was my sister and it was when I was still calling her Chrissy, a long, long time ago. I may be older than most students but I am not old enough to really know who Perry Mason is, am I?. He told us that all men are pigs and that when they get drunk at frat parties they do horrible, unmentionable in ths blog as it is pg-13, things to each other and girls should take heed of his warnings. We then had to do a chapter on how to correctly move an injured person. He had us first hike a mile out to a field and then wait 20 minutes while he takes a phone call. Ike and I are hoofing it along with everyone else as not to be more singled out then we have already been. Tick tock, tick tock, come on guy, my shoes are getting all wet and I am tired of standing. He finally gets out there and decides it is too wet. "Let's all Hike a mile back and go to the gym" says Barney. Does he not notice that he has less than 15 minutes left to class. In the gym he splits everyone into groups of three's. He pushes Ike and I out of the way and goes on down the line. What is that suppossed to mean?. Do I join a group of three, do I just stand there...helloooo. While the first groups get going Ike and I walk over to where he is standing " Professor, what would you like us to do" I ask. "N-O-T-H-I-N-G", and walks away. Great, I could have gone home and hour ago. The other students in the class now realizing that I don't have to participate, grow a little more distant. "How can she get the same grade as us if she doesn't have to participate" I overhear a girl saying. I wish I could do everything that they do, that would be great, but right now my reality isn't so.

Next class he has his baby and we have a test. Monday is a holiday....yipppee

Wednesday comes and we get our tests back. I realize that one of my answers was marked wrong as I had some eraser marks still left on the paper. I get myself up and go to the front of the room where I am promptly told "Go sit down Dingbat, I'll get to that". Here we go again! Now, I look at my test and with the answer being correct even though it shows wrong, I have only missed two questions out of 50. Whohoooo, yeah....I'm no dummy.

The teacher asks that anyone who has higher than a 45 to raise their hands. Myself and three others raise their hands. " You four are now the Supreme Court" says Barney Fife. "If we get to a question that you had wrong, you have the power to give anyone else who got that one wrong as well and extra point, as long as more than half the students got that one wrong". Of course, now everyone is staring at us. I am being singled out again. We go through the test and get a couple extra points for everyone. I ended up with 100% correct. I am sure my other classes are not going to go as well, especially after missing half the dialog. Now, out of the blue the teacher calls out " Mizz Supreme Supreme Court Justice, by the way, are you a mom, because I want to call you Mom" WIERDO...anyway. He calls me up to the room and hands me everyone's test. "Since you did the best and can afford not to listen to today's lecture I need you to mark everyone's grade into my book, now go back to your seat and I need it by the end of class". Great, not only do I now have to do the teacher from the Asylum's work, but I will miss the lecture that will help me get a good grade next test. I finish just in time and bring everything up. As Ike and I are leaving he says " Thanks Supreme Court Justice, I had you pegged when I said you would be the one to cry if you missed one question, and I was right, you were the first to come up to show the mistake the scanner made with your eraser mark, next time erase better" That was it, no thanks for your help, no great job, just a jab in the side, which is better than a fork in the eye which he has promised other kids.

Debedebebe That's all folks

It Never rains in Southern California and other Mythical songs

So, I have heard the song " It never rains in Southern California", and I have to say that songs that mislead the public make me a little upset. If it NEVER rains in Southern California then why, I ask, have I gotten wet the last 2 weeks!. I know that I have not written anything on here for a while, one, my computer blew up, really, it just flashed lights and then,wahhhnnnn...nothing. I called HP and they said that I have to send it back and I will lose everything on the hard drive. If you do not get a Christmas card from me this year it is because I no longer have your address!. I finally gave in and took all the envelopes that I had with return address labels and put everyone's address in the computer, not thinking that it would just die. Technology is great isn't it. So, back to the song. Valentines day, I got up early to do my hair, put on cute clothes and actually put on makeup. I wanted to look good for my Valentine. I spent extra time doing all of this and as I head out the door, guess what, yup, rain. Poor Ikey, with no raincoat:( We got to school and this day was the day I needed to change status on two of my classes. I got Ikey out of the car and we ran to the Student Services building, remember that I said Services. Okay Ikey, maybe we didn't run (he is looking over my shoulder as I type). We walked quickley ( is that better Ike) in the dreching rain, to the Student Services Center. Now, I was there early but even Bankers are at work by 10:30!. Where is everyone? Ike and I walked all the way around the whole building without seeing anyone. Where is the service part of Student Services!. Finally, without any help, we find the form that I need. Ike is not only a service dog, but a slueth detective as well. We grab the form and head back to the car, getting soaked the whole way. Back in the car Ike shakes himself off.WHOOSHHHH as he shakes and rattles all over me and the car. So much for my clean clothes. We fill out the form and head b-a-c-k to the Student Services. Now, not only is there someone there to help, there is now a line about 10 people deep. Where did these people come from?. Is there a secret entrance that we don't know about. It's now 10:45 and I have class at 11. So, Ike and I wait, and we wait, puddles forming on the floor where we stand. It's finally our turn and I hand over my form. The woman sitting there looks up at me and says " Is it raining THAT hard out there?". What, do I look like it's raining, maybe I decided to take a shower in the parking lot...duhhhhh. With that comment I can only imagine what Ike and I look like. We leave and head over to class. We stop at the woman's restroom so I can try and wipe Ike off. The only thing they had was paper towels. The one's you remember from school. The really cheap kind that barely dries your hands. yes, that is what I tried to dry Ike off with. All that happened is that Ike ended up with brown paper in his hair. But, back to the misleading songs. Another song that comes to mind is the great Garth Brooks, "The Beaches Of Cheyenne". Now, I know that you need to be deeper and take the song as a sort of poem, not taking it at face value. That is all good and great but what if you are not any deeper than a snow drift on Hawaii?. What if you listen to this song and decide "hey, the beaches of Cheyenne, let's go". You pack the kids, bathing suits, bucket ( Ike likes those) pails and shovels and off you go. You get there and the only beach is the puddle of water pooled at the horse trough, with dirt mixed in. I decided that maybe I am wrong and maybe there are beaches in Cheyenne. Nope, no beaches. I looked up the Chamber of Commerce of Cheyenne and searched for beaches and....nothing. The Coyote Motor Inn has a heated pool....yippee. Not only does it rain in Southern California, it snows. It snowed last week about 30 minutes from our house. We packed all the dogs in the car, all four, and headed off to the mountains. too bad that the highway had a landslide and we couldn't even get close to the snow. We had to turn around and head home. We passed a few casino's on the way...that would have been fun, but we of course, could not leave three dogs in the car. So, it's raining and there is nothing to do. I decide to take Ike shopping (he hates it like all men). We get to the store and guess what is playing on the elevator music, "it never rains in Southern California" you have to be kidding me, where is the hidden camera.

Love, Jennifer and Ike

It's me...Ikey...with Mommy's scary day

Today I was really scared. Mommy was not feeling well this morning. I tried making her feel better by giving her lots of kisses, and although she said it made her feel better, I don't think that it did. Mommy is so great to all of us and she is trying so hard at school that I think she is just exhausted. I liked it when Mommy stayed home all day. I got to play with her, we went shopping a lot ( not my favorite thing, but I'm a guy, what can I say) and we went to a place called "the beach". I love "the beach" . When Mom says I was a good boy and get to go to "the beach" I know I have been extra good. At the beach I get to run around without my harness on, but only when the lifeguards are not looking. Although I am allowed on the beach because of my "job" with Mom, I don't know that the lifeguards would think I was working if I was off-leash. "The beach" is so neat, lots of birds, lots of sand and my favorite...WATER. I don't know if Mom has mentioned how much I love to swim. Well, I LOVE TO SWIM!!!! I purposely throw my toys in the pool so that I just have to go get them. I pretend to be all upset that my toy fell in. I go "whooowooowoo" with my head thrown back for added effect so that Mom won't know that I am secretly happy to go in and get my toy. She tells me "Go get the toy" and I "whooowooo" again once more, and then I JUUUMMPPP in and I land right on top of the toy. It's great!!!! Maybe Mom will make a video and put in on here so you can see me, but I will really have to pull a Benji ( world's best actor" for that one to happen:))) Enough about my love of swimming.





After Mommy told me she didn't feel good and my lame attempts at trying to help her, she talked to someone I couldn't see, on a device, and loaded me quickly in the car. I could tell we were not going to "the beach". She was crying and I was really nervous for her.



We arrived at a building where there were many people running around. I thought I remembered the smell from somewhere else that I went with Mommy. Someplace that took my Mommy and I didn't get to see her for a really long time. Now I know I can't tell time, but I know it was a long time because I went home without Mommy, I woke up without Mommy and then when I got to see her it was in a very smelly place, with a very small bed. I still got to lay on the bed with Mom, but I had to be real careful.

This new smelly building with lots of people took Mom and I to a different room. This room was quieter and it was just me and Mom and this nice lady who gave Mom a bucket. Buckets can be fun...at " the beach" but the way Mom looked at this bucket I know it was no" day at the beach", no" walk in the park", no "sunshine on my shoulders" type of bucket!. Mom kept the bucket but I could tell she didn't want it.

The lady then brought in some bags of what looked like, to my big brown eyes, water. She also brought in some pokey things that Mom's eyes grew very big upon looking at them. Oh Mom, I am so scared for you. I want to help you, sluuurppp slurrppp. There, I made Mom all better by some big tongue kisses on her hand, since right now it's the only place I can reach.

They take one of the pokey things and put it into Mom's arm. The Lady who brought them in keeps moving it around, making Mommy cry. She can't get it in Mommy's arm. She goes for the hand. Oh boy, that sure looks like it hurts. Poor Mom. The Lady finally gets the pokey thing in and then hooks up one of the bags of water and leaves Mom and I alone.

We are alone only for a little time when Mom calls out for someone. The Lady comes back in a they notice that Mom's arm is all red and has BIG bumps on it. The Lady takes the bag of water away and leaves again. Mommy is worried about her arm, as she keeps looking at it. The Lady comes back with some more water and asks Mom to feel the bag. " It feels warm" I hear Mom say and that must be a good thing because the Lady smiles and hooks the pokey thing back up to the bag. She gives Mom something else, but in my vast doggie knowledge, it all looks the same.



A little while later Mom asks the Lady to take the bucket and give me some water with it. "See Mom" I say to her, this is a nice bucket". "Maybe we can bring it to The Beach". The Lady gives me water and then I jump back up on the bed. I can't leave Mom alone.



We walk to the bathroom ( I know that word) and then Mom gets dressed. I guess she is okay. The Lady takes the pokey thing out of her hand and off we go.



I was sure scared this day.



It's me Ikey...It's Ikey....WOOOFFFFF



p.s Today I got to go swimming. Woowoohhooo

sorry of bad spelling, I'm only two and something called spell check is not working:(

Girlz in da Hoodie!!

Okay, Okay, yes, I gave in and wore a hoodie to class. Ike thought it was a very lame attempt on my part to fit in when obviously I was the oldest student on campus ( thanks Ike for the

support!). My teacher's have been doing a great job of pointing out just how old I am! In my sign language class the teacher was asking students to sign their birth year. Now, I have put my hand up on serveral occasions to sign the alphabet, words, home address, but when this example came up I was looking down at my book, pretending to be absorbed in the text. " Jennifer, would you like to sign your birth year" . Okay...you want me to let all the students in class know just HOW much OLDER I am. Not just that I am older, but REALLY older. The teacher than realized what he did and then made the situation even more uncomfortable "Oh, wait, you can do just the day and month if you want, you don't have to do the year". So, now, if I don't tell the year I am embarrased, and if I do I am as well. Thanks Teach! So I go ahead and sign all of my birthday 9-12-1968. GASPS and WHISPERS abound in the classroom and I shrivel up like an old prune ( need some prune juice too:)). This girl who sits near me with her cute hoodies and skinny jeans and looks like a computer generated avitar( see I am hip) says " My Dad is the same age as you". In my other class, with the teacher from the asylum, everytime he makes a reference about something from the 80's he looks right at me, pointing to me. " You remember the Aids scare and all the publicity that went with it right" " When your kids get sick, I bet you get sick as well" " When Madonna was a virgin you were graduating High School right". So that's two classes that I have failed misreably in blending into the group. Maybe, If I hadn't colored my hair brown and took out my extensions, I would have been mistaken for a young 30. One can hope, right:) So, even after wearing a hoodie, crankin my IPOD up,and talking on my cellphone at the same time, I am still just an almost 40 year old freshman, no if's, how's, why's or when's about it.



So, I am sure you are all just dying to hear updates from previous posts, even if your not, just humor me because my team, the New England Patriots, just lost the Super Bowl. How very sad to be me right now. I could have rooted for the Giants and it would have been okay since I did live there for a very short while. I get to cheer for many different teams as I have lived in many different places, some twice!. The New England Patriots, The Boston Red Sox, The Philadelphia Philles, Eagles, Flyers and 76'ers, the Texas Rangers, The Dallas Cowboys,Mavericks, Stars, The Arizona Diamondbacks, Cardinals, Phoenix Suns...and the list goes on. I would have to say also that I am a lucky charm...no...not the little Leprechon that promotes cereal, but the four leaf clover kind of luck. When I lived in Dallas the Stars won the Stanley Cup and when I moved to Arizona the Diamondbacks won the World Series over the Evil Yankees and I was there at game 7. It was a great day for Red Sox fans as well as someone finally brought the evil empire to it's knees!. Okay enough already....back to updates.



Do you remember the crisis from one of my first blogs...the one that had me driving all over town, calling bookstores, searching the Internet ( thanks Maureen:) and finally calling the Red Cross. Yes, that's right, the WORKBOOK. I got the workbook, two to be exact. I wasn't sure that the one I ordered from Amazon would get here in time to have all the work completed, chapters 1-6 to be handed in on Monday( assigned on Wednesday), so I had one overnighted by the Red Cross. I did all the work that was required, all eighteen pages of work. One of the workbooks I received had the answers all ready written in, I could have passed that one in, but Nooo, I had to do all that work myself. It would not have been cheating, in a way, since the answers are written in the back of the workbook so you can check your answers ( thinking like a freshman...how can I justify cheating, of course I never did cheat, I was too afraid to get caught). Like the time that my friend Susan I got caught lying when we snuck out meeting Lifeguards on Martha's Vineyard ohhh so long ago. Lying just doesn't feel good, and cheating is the same feeling. You know your going to get caught...it's when that is the unknown factor. Susan and I got caught as soon as we returned to the campground, at least the punishment was swift and justice was fully served up by our parents.....I was so afriad of her father after that!. My parents were a little lighter on my sentence as I was just the blind follower, not the evil mastermind of our sorted rendevous at dawn ( Okay, yes, it was 8pm, but for us...it will always be dawn:). How did I get off the subject so badly. My mind is just pulling things out from so long ago...stop it brain. Back to the workbook.
The teacher walks in and says " Hey Dudes, did you get my e-mail". I look around the room in horror...I think to myself " E-mail....he doesn't have MY e-mail address, so I guess I am off the hook!" " Dudes...anyone anyone, Buehler Buehler" Now no one in the class gets that joke but me, and everyone in the class knows it, another strike for fitting in. " Okay slakers...I sent an e-mail to your Palomar e-mail addresses so I know you got it" sweat begins to pour down my back, I remember vaguely that I too was assigned a Palomar e-mail address when I registered, but I thought it was just a standard thing and it was for the students to use if and only if they wanted. Not for teachers to actually send us things!. The teacher then drops the BOMB.....are you ready everyone....hold on to your seats and remember to breath.....
" NO WORKBOOKS ARE NEEDED" silence falls over the class....or anyone who didn't get the memo. One brave student, the voice of the few, the proud, the one's who, like me, had searched high and low for the workbook. "but....I got the workbook and did the work, can I get some credit for it, the voice says" "HAHAHAHAHHAHA, you MUST be joking right, I should dock you points for not following the directions and not reading your e-mail".
I never said a word, I just sat there quitely, with my two workbooks, and hoped the teacher wouldn't see them.

The teacher then decides to pass out a rope. I am not sure after serveral students had spent almost $100 in getting now adjunct workbooks that handing out a rope in class is the smartest thing to do, but Barney Fife knows best:) While passing out the rope he asks us if we showered and brushed our teeth today. If your 18 years or older and don't brush your teeth everyday you probally don't have any teeth!. The rope, as I am sure you are waiting with baited breath ( do you brush your teeth every day:)) was for tying yourself to a fellow student and having to get apart without un tying the rope. Yes, anti-climactic, I agree.

One student was being nice and brought a Surfer Magazine in for the teacher. He had said he was a "dude" and loved to surf. When she brought it up to him he pushed it away like it was a three day old tuna sandwich...yuck!!! Sorry if I am being too graphic, I just put the first thing that came to mind. " That Magazine is for punks and toads, no thanks". He did not just do that. He did not just insult this poor 18 year old who was trying to do something nice. He will not be getting any chewy sprees from me ( the BEST candy ever). As far as I am concerned he is the TOAD and the rest of the class are the prince and princesses, and no one is going to kiss him, even with our bad breath!.

Until next time Folks...Goodnight and Goodluck!

The Night of the Coyotes....It's Me Ikey:)

Hey everyone it's me...Ikey! I know I am supposed to be writing about school but this was so scary and exciting I thought I would "blog" about it " I am such a stud:)) Well, not really thanks to my other mother:))

Late last night I was resting in my awesome bed ( platform bed, right next to Mommy's head) when I heard something outside. I looked around the room to see if anyone else heard it but Kaylie was snoring, Andre was curled up on his couch with his moo she and Scooby doo, King of the bed, was curled up between mom and dad, so maybe I was just dreaming. I started to relax when I heard it again!!! Yes, I really did!!! It was almost a low moan...maybe a cow??? Now I have not seen too many cows in our neighborhood, but there are chickens, so maybe a cow can be there to??? Hmmm what could it be. I waited and waited to hear it again...and then BAM POW WHAM everyone went sprinting down the stairs and through our special door. We all try and cram through it at the same time and sometimes we get stuck. Now we are outside in the dark, alone, without Mom or Dad to protect us. "I'm not so sure about this" I tell Kaylie. She is such a BIT&^ and calls me a scaredy CAT. I am not a CAT, no way, no how, but I am a little scared. I have a Job to do for Mommy and I can't be out chasing Cows in the middle of the night!. Andre comes up behind me and tells me "I have heard this sound before when I lived in Arizona". Now, I have been to Sedona Arizona but I never heard anything like this. I really liked Sedona, with it's big rocks, and lots of great smelling trees. a cool patio just for me but back to the story...

Now we are all outside, even Scooby. The dogs from up the hill are outside as well. They are barking too, but they always bark, so it's not a good measure of the danger taking place. We all stand outside, together, as a pack..but nothing more happens. Good, I mean RATS, I wanted to show how brave I could be.

Back upstairs we all go. Sleepy time again. Then, AUWOOOOOOOOO.......There it is again. Scramble the troops, ready the ammunition, lets go, lets go.

This time Daddy comes outside to see what is going on. He leans over to Scooby who is visibly shaking and tells him "It's okay, it's only the coyotes". ONLY THE COYOTES! Now, I am not sure what they are but it sounds bad. Wait, I know who that is, I saw him on TV" The Box" the other day. He goes around bombing people, dropping ROCKS on their head, and Daddy doesn't think this is someone to be deathly afraid of, his he NUTS!!! This COYOTE has enough ammunition to blow up every dog house in our city, usually have a Road Runner fast on his trail What if the two converged on our back yard??.. We would be like John Edwards at the last debate, staying out of the way why the two other annihilate each other, hoping it wouldn't hurt their LIKABILITY, which this whole presidentail campaigns is about, I watch many of the debates and I have not heard how the candidates are going to fix the problems with the country, They all say " I am the candidates for change", but HOW are they going it! I have not heard one great idea...like ending puppy mills or REALLY punishing people who fight us dogs. We are lovers, not fighters, wink wink

Dad finally told me what a real coyote is. He told me that the pack uses one member to make their prey more secure because there is only one coyote, and then when the prey lets it's guard down, 5-6 come out of the bushes and well...One can hope for a nice outcome. I was scared and was still scared as we tried to smush each other through the door to the race upstairs to stake out our spots. I have to be able to stand over Mommy in the night to make sure she is breathing,and if she is, I give her a little kiss and lay back down. Uh, Scooby is not happy. When he is not happy watch out, your special sleeping area becomes his, the toy in your mouth, he takes it out with his teeth. If I am sitting somewhere with Mommy, he pushes me out of the way. I know he is just insecure and jealous!,, Jealous of my beautiful black mane, long eyelashes, eyebrow, goatee...and the fact that I get to go everywhere. When I got to go with Mommy to see "Firehouse Dog" Scooby wouldn't let me have any toys. He said that since I had gone out and saw the movie HE wanted to see, I didn't get toys this week:{{{

We all listened for the " Coyotes" that dad said he heard. I still think it was a cow because the Coyote lives in the Box called 'tv" and can't get out of that box

I gotta get my beauty rest, I have many fans at school ( poor mommy isn't doing as well) and I have asked Mom for business cards for myself, modeling my beautiful black coat. I don't think I will be getting any, at least not now. Please keep reading my blog and if there is something special you want to hear about let me know

Love Ikey Doodo

Open foot insert mouth...wait..that's not right

Wonders never cease at this new endeavour of mine. How people can be so oblivious to their impact on others, or even worse, don't care what they do to others. I try to make a positive impact on peoples lives, even if they want nothing to do with me. I have yet to try the experiment, the one where I walk around school with my head down all day not talking to anyone. It's sounds depressing to me, but I will try it, at least to have something to write about.

Okay, here we go with another very surprising incident.

I was sitting in my usual spot( if sitting in the same place twice now can be a usual spot) saying "hi" to everyone walking in the door when Ike got up and went over to a girl sitting near us. Since that was my opening to get SOMEONE to talk to me, I snatched it up like a person waiting in line for an IPHONE( one month later they lower the price). I started the conversation about Ike and how he was my service dog and where I had gotten him from. Turns out this girl lives near the place where Ike and I went to training. I asked her how she likes living there, normal questions that everyone asks. We were having a nice conversation when in walks..wait for it...wait for it.... BARBIE!

Now I know you are saying that Barbie is a toy and doesn't exist in real life, well come on over sister and join my class. Barbie is about 90 lbs, long eyelashes, beautiful blond hair, perfect clothes and the self confidence that goes with selling millions of yourself worldwide.

Barbie enters the room and all eyes go to her, all conversations stop and people just stare at her, I guess I was too.

Here is where Barbie shows her real colors, the side of Barbie people rarely see...but as Ike as my witness this is a true story.

Barbie decides to join in the conversation I was having with this nice girl. We will call her Rosa. Rosa was explaining to me that although she lives in this one town, she is really excited to move into a new apartment across town. She has been saving up all her money ( her boyfriend as well) and had put a deposit down on a new apartment. They are going over to this new place this afternoon to talk about paint colors and new carpet, but the person who is doing the work has not returned their calls a few days in a row. Rosa tells me that this new apartment is going to be a great new start for them. It's bigger and a lot nicer than when they live now. The excitement in Rosa was reminiscent of my first 15 moves. The new places, the new faces, yeah, I remember that. I felt happy remembering those times and Rosa was in a world of her own thoughts when...SLAM, back down to Earth we were brought by a plastic toy with perfect boobs!.

I can't make this stuff up, I really can't. You all may be out there saying that there is no way things like this happen, but yes folks, they do.

Barbie drops a bomb.... "I own those apartments, the one you are moving to, I own those". What... this eighteen year old owns the apartments of my Rosa's dreams. No way!. " I own those apartments, and my dad, well he is the one you have been calling all week to get the painting done". " He got your Messages, but he is waaayyy to busy with other things". " You might just want to buy paint and do it yourself because he has other more important things going on".

Barbie owns apartments?? I just thought she lived in her " Dream House" minding her own business, not a real business.!

Barbie then says to Rosa who asked Barbie if she lives nearby the apartments, or at the apartments. Barbie's response was nothing but an example of how one human being can impact another so greatly. " LIVE at THOSE apartments??? Are you kidding me??? They are so scary and Getto, I NEVER would even go close to that neighborhood". Here Rosa is, scraping and saving to get into the apartments that she is so excited over and Barbie has the gall to say all that?. Even if Barbie thinks all those things about the neighborhood and apartments, she didn't have to say anything negative. Why do people feel the need to kill the dreams of others, put them down for their dreams?. Ike and I just sat there, mouth wide open, not believing that someone is either so clueless or down right mean to say something negative about something that is so obviously important to someone else.

I don't think Rosa knew how to respond to what was said. She just sat there for a minute not saying anything... And then she said again, in case Barbie misunderstood her, " I am so excited about moving there, it will be the best place I have ever lived". Rosa had just set herself up for being hurt again as Barbie explained again, in case Rosa misunderstood her, " That place is sooo Getto and scary, even my dad doesn't like going there". " We only own the apartments because my step-grandmother left them to us in her will". " I would NEVER live there or anyplace near it".

I think Rosa finally understood that no matter what she said about the area, really wanting to live there, that she was going to open Barbie's eyes to the error in her judgment about the apartments that she "owns". I would like to OPEN Barbie's eyes to how incredibly selfish and self-centered she was that she would put down so harshly someone Else's dreams and aspirations. That she could be so clueless that she could not see the look of deflation in Rosa's eyes as she continued to put Rosa's choices down over and over.

Ike and I wanted to say something to Rosa , like good luck on the move, or have fun choosing paint colors, something to make Rosa not second guess her choices. I realized though. that the harm was done. Nothing that I. nor anyone, could erase what Barbie had now put in her head. It was there, festering, and Rosa might even decide not to spend her money on moving to a place that is not any better, maybe worse, than she lives now.

This is how people's dreams die even before they have a chance to become a reality....

Until next time..

Jennifer and Ike

The Teacher from the Asylum

Okay, we left off with the Silent One letting me borrow a stumpy pencil. I now had the materials needed to actively participate in class. Pencil, paper, brain, check. Ikey on the floor snoozing almost quietly, check. Okay let's get this party started already!. ( Minutes before I was hoping for a late start when I had to buy my $3.oo pad of paper).

Now, like I said, this story is not for the faint of heart. Some may find material offensive. I did!. Talk about Shock and Awe, President Bush has nothing on this teacher!.

So, I am sitting with my stumpy pencil and $3.oo pad ready to go and in walks Elmer Fudd with a better body. Maybe Barney Fife ( you older folks may know who that is) with the body of the incredible hulk. He stumbles in and just starts talking about....I have no idea!. He starts with telling us that he took a year sabbatical in Germany. He did a house swap and encouraged us to look into it. He told us that he got paid from the school to go over there and just hang out. Where can I sign up for that job!. That's a job even I can do. He then went on a tirade about everything from OJ Simpson, to Scott Peterson, to his wife. He told us that he was a material witness to the Scott Peterson trial, that he thought OJ didn't get a fair trial and that he and his wife had sex and somehow are now having a baby. Yeah, I think we all know how a baby is made, and don't really need to know about is sex life. He also told us that he and his wife have a bet going on to see who gets " fixed first". TMI enough already.

He then tried to intimidate us by telling us that he used to be a cop in some Podunk town in California. He said he was a hard ass and wrote the most tickets EVER in the town. Is he trying to make up for a small male part?? We will have to wait and see...hopefully not! Why else would he want to intimidate 18 year olds.

He went on to tell us that he is a surfer and that if he is late for class then he is "hanging loose" and catching the "big one". Yeah, I'm paying for this class and the teacher is out practicing his "cutbacks" and gnarly "hang tens". He actually called the students dudes. " hey dude fix the door so no slackers can get in". He forgot the roll book ( he was too busy with his wife and kids), he forgot his lecture notes so he was just 'winging it". He warned us that he gets "crabby" often so not to push his buttons. Don't get too "smart" with him of you will get thrown out of class, I think I will just sit in the back with Ike and keep my mouth shut. This guy reminds me of my previous boss at one said wine company. He loved the "boss" title and reminded me all the time who was in charge. I don't know if these kind of people actual believe that instilling fear in people is really a good way to be a leader. A good leader in my book is someone approachable and instills confidence in their students and employees, not holds them down, under their thumb, putting down their ideas as stupid or unprofessional or even worse , the boss taking credit for the success that is obviously not theirs!.

Now that you have some background on this guy I can continue with the story. Let's just call him Barney. Barney is talking again, going on and on about how great he is when all of a sudden he says something about the tv show "Adam 12". Now I remember the name but I was too young to remember anything about the show. You know by now that I have Desperately been trying to fit in at school. Yes, I know, Ikey reminds me all the time of how GREAT he fits in with his BLACK coat, he such a BIT** ah... female dog sometimes! I don't have any Goth clothes, I don't have "hoodies", and I definitely don't skate board. I have a limp, a service dog, and wrinkes...yeah...I'm out there like Britney Spears at a Court Hearing:) So, now I am sitting there minding my own business when all of a sudden...the teacher says, out of all the people in the class, " You, you must remember Adam 12 right, your about my age". THANKS, THANKS a lot!!! It's not bad enough that I am labeled as " different" , my teacher did not have to point it out that I am about 20 years older than everyone else in class. The Silent One moves her desk further from mine and I can just see the horror in her face that someone in the class might think she is OLD like me. Thanks BUD, DUDE. I was so mad. He just keep going not realizing he just killed my chances of fitting in in that class.

Now, I am still waiting to take any notes in class.( since I spent $3.00 on it) Are we going to talk about ANYTHING to do with the subject?. NOT yet. The teacher was not done trying to intimidate the class. The teacher decided we are about 8 years old, "Everyone needs to come with good hygiene" " Brush your teeth, take a shower at least before my class", I hope most people know that they need to take a shower a couple times a week, come on guy, they are 18!. Barney then decided that the guys in the class were being disrespectful because they have baseball caps on. He went right up to this one guy with his hat on backwards, lots of tattoos and of course a tight black shirt with skulls on it. Barney got right into this guys face and told him he was being disrespectful for having the hat on, and worse, backwards, OH THE HORROR!. Now, I don't think I would mess with this kid. He looks very tough. The guy did not get up, did not take his hat off and said to the teacher that " I don't take my hat off for no one, I listen to my own rules not yours". Oh My GOD, we are going to have a knife fight right here in my class. Someone needs to back down and fast. Luckily for the teacher he decided he would back down, but it didn't stop him from continuing with the rest of the students. He went up to two girls and told them to stop wearing revealing clothes in his classroom, that seeing "boobs" is not going to get them good grades. Who is this guy! He wants no boobs, no hats, no bad breath, no body odor.....then he leaves the room. Where did he go, he said nothing and just walks out. Does this man have a serious MENTAL ILLNESS?. Everyone is looking around wondering what we should do. Should we leave?. Is class over?? OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD, you have to be kidding me....

The teacher just walked back into the class with his pants halfway down his butt. He has a hat on backwards, tidy whiteys sticking out and I hate to say this but you could see a bulge ...YUCK...not what I ever wanted to see at school, or anywhere for that matter!!. You don't see that much in an "R" rated movie for god sakes!. What was he thinking?. It was disgusting. I don't care if he was trying to make a point, which he had already made by telling people to dress with respect. SHOCK and AWFUL!. He went on to walk around the class telling different people that he would never hire someone that looked the way they did, that they must not have respect for themselves to have haircuts like they do, clothes like that ect ect. I was about the only one he didn't pick on...but that is because I am GRANDMA!. ( no offense to any of the hip grandma's out there).

Class is about to end, we really have not done anything, when he decided to finally talk about class assignments. He hands out a syllabus and starts going over it. He starts to mention that we need to have pages in a workbook completed. A workbook? What workbook?. I have a text book, but no workbook. The teacher asks if anyone has the workbook. One person! One person has the workbook and only because their friend took the class last year. The rest of us look around at each other wondering what is going on. Barney then tells us " Your on your own getting the workbook, check the bookstore, community colleges, American Red Cross, but it's your responsibility to get it". Someone mentions that you can't get it at the bookstore and the teacher says " I already told you it's up to you to find it and get the work done". Great, just great! I ask the Silent One if she has the workbook or knows where to get one, but she just mumbles and walks away. Since the teacher pointed me out as " the old one" I am a social Pariah.

As I am leaving the teacher sees Ike out of the corner of his eye. He totally stops talking to the students who were in front of him to exclaim " A dog, in MY class, coool duuude". I turned and asked " does that mean I get an automatic A". He grumbles something and then says that next class " we need to go over the rules of having a service dog in class" and then goes back to whatever he was saying. Next class should be interesting but hopefully G rated!:)))

Okay, back to the bookstore to see if maybe, just maybe they have this elusive workbook. My little friend was working again, the guy that gave me the complete history of pads and papers. He asked me if I wanted his help again and I said sure. Why should I navigate the shelves alone when I can have little 18 year old's help. He tells me he has to get someone to take his place at the backpack station and goes inside. Okay, am I supposed to wait for him, go inside and he'll meet me in there....not quite sure what's going on. I finally just go inside and start looking for the workbook. when I can't find anything that looks like it, I go get help from the most androgynous person I have ever seen. I am still not sure if it was a man or a woman. This person went over to the shelf where the workbook would be, had the teacher ORDERED it. This "Pat"( are there any Saturday Night Live fans out there?) told me that the teacher did not order the workbook to go along with the text book. I told "Pat" that I need the workbook, the teacher has assigned work that has to be done in this workbook by Monday!. "Pat" shakes her/his head and tells me that I am SOL and that unless the teacher calls and places the order there is nothing they can do to help. What am I going to do. I can't get this workbook from my own school?. This is messed up. The teacher mentioned trying the other local schools. I drive half hour to Mira Costa college, a community college nearby. I drag Ike out of the car and we go trudging up the path to their bookstore. I walk around aimlessly looking for anything that might be this workbook but NOTHING. I ask for help and they ask me what class the workbook is for. I have to then admit I am not a student at their school and it's not for a class there. I explain the situation and all they can do to help is to tell me "that sucks that your teacher would do that". NO KIDDING...now give me the book!.

That was a complete waste of time. I drove half hour for nothing. I finally just called the American Red Cross and asked them to overnight it to me.

What a day! I hope school gets a little less weird.

Jennifer and Ike

Forgotten Mind!

Yesterday I went to school for the second day, and already my age is showing:) I forgot my notebook, pens, anything to possible take notes on and with. How could I do that on only my second day?. It's not like I can run across campus and get to my dorm room to retrieve said items. It's not like I know anybody I can borrow them from. I searched my car from top to bottom hoping that I would have a pen somewhere in there. Who doesn't keep a pen in their car for emergencies, who I ask...ME!. Of course now I remember in my Emergency backpack that I got for Christmas there is a pen and pad, but I couldn't remember that yesterday either. I was worried about my physical health, not my mental health!. Getting older sucks:)



So off we went, running (yeah right) to the bookstore. Quick in and out I was thinking. Nope. not happening on the second full day of classes. Lines, lines,lines out the door, Lines to drop off backpack, lines to return books, lines to buy books. I don't need any of that...I just need a PIECE of Paper!. Okay, calm down, your upsetting the dog, which I think I was. Poor Ikey. He is trying to get used to this place and here I am pulling him towards an ocean of loud people, strange noises, and the food court!. We drop of our backpack and get a number so I can retrieve it on my way out, great. One helpful boy decided that I was just too cute, wink wink, to help myself so he decided to explain all about the different notepads they have, the features and benefits of each, and their prices. Okay, this is not buying a car, I just need a PIECE OF PAPER. I took the $3.00 one and off to the register. Have you ever been to DisneyWorld?. How the lines are deceptively short?. How the lines actual wrap around 12 city blocks and a football field?. Yes, this is what happened next. They had lines that lead you through the whole store just to get to checkout. Meanwhile, I am sweating, my perfectly coiffed hair is in ruins and Ike is looking around like a dog in a candy store. Why you ask, because there was CANDY the whole way through the line just at his level. I felt like a r0bot telling him to leave it, leave it, leave it..and on.

Okay..now RUN to class (yeah right) you don't want to be late your first day. Past the skateboarders ( Ike not too sure about those), past the goths( please don't put a curse on me), past the ARMY ( please don't shoot me) and finally arriving at class!. Yeah I made it. Boy, Ike lots tired out. " Let's go in and you can take a nap" I said to Ike, and I really wanted one too.

Okay, here we got, got my $3.00 pad of paper and I am all set. Wait, wait, there is something else that I am missing??hmmmm What could it be??? No, you have just got to be kidding. A have NOTHING to write with. Flashback: First day of first grade....I got so upset about not having a pencil that I wet my pants:(((( That was not a good day. Flashforward: Do I feel a warming sensation going through my body???It can't be......Nope not that but I feel my face and neck getting very red and I am sweating. How can I be sooo stupid. I don't have time to walk all the way back to the student center. I guess I have to actual talk to someone. and not only that. but to get that person to respond with a positive yes. So I ask the girl three rows away who won't even look at me. " Do you have Pen I can borrow for the class, I was so stupid and forgot everything today, have you ever done that" I said trying to be as nice and friendly as I can be. Without ever looking at me or answering she pulls out a stumpy (yes, just like me) pencil no bigger than my thumb and hands it to me. If I was ANY bigger I would not have been able to hold it, it was so small. Beggars can't be choosy so I thanked he profusely and told her how grateful I was....no comment from the silent one.

Okay, this is where it get REALLY great. I could not make this stuff up. I thought when I started this I would be at a loss for things to write about, HA, there is so much material that today's blog is going to be pretty long. Hold onto your seats folks, the ride is just beggining!

Tune in LATER for the Teacher from the Asylum!

Tails from the wunderdog!...it's me...Ikey

Notes from Me, Ikey

I love my new title, I made it up myself with my Mom's help. She said I should write a blog from my point of view so I am going to try:) I hope you can follow along on my journey too!

The first day of school wasn't too bad for me. Mom seemed nervous so I felt nervous too. I wanted to stay home where my other friends had plans to play with the new chew toys we got. I know mommy needs me but she just seems so scared that now I am scared too.

We got to this place called "school". I have been to school myself so I thought I would see plenty of dogs like me walking around doing their jobs, but I didn't see tails anywhere. No tails, no barking, no fun butt smells...what kind of "school" is this?.

As we began to walk to "classes" Mom was leaning on me pretty hard. I know her leg hurts her a lot so I need to be strong, stand up straight and help her as best as I can!. There were a lot of things to smell on the ground but I didn't have time to stop and smell the "roses" we had to get to "class".

STAIRS!!!!! I had to help Mom up two flights of stairs. I thought I had remembered a ramp somewhere near "class" but I couldn't find it for her. I hope I still get a cookie once we get there....cookies, cookies, cookies...FOCUS IKE!

Here we are "class' at last. Mom found a great place for me to lay down right in front of her. She unpacked her things and got ready for whatever she needs to do here in "class". "Excuse me, ah Mom, ah you forgot something " I gave her bag a little smell and nudge, " Mom, please please I really need a cookie" and I nudged her bag again. She looked down at me with the smile I love so much and said the magic words " Do you want a cookie you good boy". VICTORY VICTORY, It's mine all mine. She took out my favorite Charlie Bear treats and boy she was so generous. Maybe because she knows I must be nervous too.

Nap time is here. The room filled up with lots of people, funny looking, funny smelling, strange people. They were all dressed like me! Black Coats....at least I fit in. Mommy has pink on, I bet she feels silly:) A good smelling girl sat near me and put this AMAZING furry thing on the floor. "Is it a fox" I asked myself. It sure doesn't smell like a fox. "Is it a sheepdog in need of a haircut" no....too small and skinny. I guess I need to investigate further. So, while Mom was busing listening to someone and not watching me with her normal human eyes, I s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d as far as I could, I c-r-e-e-p-e-d ever so closer....and finally...it's a it's a darn fake fur something. Darn that girl, why couldn't she have at least brought a hamster!. I decided I would ever so gently rest my head on it and hope she wouldn't look down and swipe it out from under me. The girl looked down on me all of a sudden and I knew my fate was sealed...she gave me a hug grin and looked back at mom and said it was okay, but when I looked at mom...I knew no cookie parade after class. She was not all that happy with me.

So "class" was okay. People talked to me as they left, told me how much they love my eyebrows, eyelashes and beard. Yeah, I know I'm pretty cute, but I have my own issues. Does my collar make me look fat, Does my harness accentuate my boyish hips?? Yes, I too, wonderdog and all have the same insecurities as any dog.

Until next time.....Keep your nose clean, fleas at bay, and hug your own dog everyday

Paws to you....Ikeydoodledoo

I made it!!!

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!!!! I have always wanted to do that! Well, I made it through the first day. I was so nervous walking to my class. My backpack weighed as much as I did and I could imagine myself just going $%$ over tea-kettle and rolling down the hill like an out of control snowball, collecting dust and dirt as I go. Somehow that did not happen and I managed to keep myself upright..

I noticed as I was walking that no one was looking where they were going. No one looked up as they walked, unless they were walking with someone else, but then only looking at that person. I, of course, said "HI!" to everyone just in case they wanted to look up and were waiting for a excuse to do so. I would think your neck gets very tired hanging like that all the time. Maybe I will try it today and see how I feel at the end of the day. The only students that said "hi" back were the other handicapable students. I guess we are like a gang and it's okay to look at and talk to other gang members. More interesting observations on all this to come!

CLASSES

I sat in the first seat I could find, against the wall and not next to anyone else so that Ike could have lots of room to stretch out. He stretched out...right onto a girls sweatshirt hood. It looked so soft and fluffy he could not help himself....I wanted to join him and just cuddle up, but I don't think the girl not the teacher would have appreciated that. "Look everyone she is so old she needs a nap" I could just hear it now:)

Okay...have I been living under a dog house ???? When did GOTH become so popular again. I thought that fashion died out years ago. At least 15 out of the 20 people in my class were dressed Goth, and had the overall Goth look. Every backpack, knapsack, man-bag. and lunch boxes (haha) were skull and cross bones. The best that I will be able to do to fit in is to wear a "Surrender your Booty" Tee-Shirt with a Pirate on it holding a skull, don't think that will quite cut it. Let me know what you think!. I was also the only person without jeans and a hoodie on. Even the boys ( 18-22) were in jeans and hoodies, and of course all black with the skull and cross bones. The teacher was in a suit and then I was the next most dressed up person and I thought I was pretty casual!.

Everyone looked very nervous, and there was dead silence while we waited for the teacher to start talking. I just wanted to say something to break the silence, but even I was too nervous to do so. One boy came in late, jeans half way down his butt with boxers showing (another fad I thought was gone). He grabbed a desk and put it down near mine...he just wanted to sit near Ikey:). The teacher told him he had to move it as he was in the direct path of the doorway. This boy whined like a 6 year old " but there is nooo rooom anywhere else....waaawaaa" Of course there was more room in the front of the class but obviously he did not want to sit there. He pouted and made his way to a back corner.

During class, which was pretty interesting, I answered a question and talked about my time working at Mansfield State Training School in CT. I talked about how people used to think Mental Retardation was something you could " catch" like the chicken pox. The State built tunnels underground from building to building so the townsfolk would feel safer and nobody had to see things they didn't want to see. The ignorance of the times was as much a product of society as it was the lack of science. People don't want to see, hear or deal with people that make them feel uncomfortable or uneasy. I saw a lot of discrimination towards people with disabilities working with that population, and it made me ashamed of our society. Okay...too deep sorry:)

Well...off to another day...wish me luck..."Goodnight and Goodluck!

The first day of school!

Oh my god! I can't believe it! I am almost 40 and I am going to be a Freshman all over beginning today. What have I gotten myself into this time, I ask myself as I sit here writing this. I am too old to be a freshman. I remember being a freshman and looking at people my age and laughing at them for being at school. Were they losers and didn't get a college education when they were young! Did they really think that no one noticed how OLD they were, and their clothes were so old fashioned. Did they just want to pick up younger women...or GUYS! YUCK!. Well. here I am wondering if people are going to say the same things about me. Of course they are correct about the guys, wink wink. I should tell you all that I am married with 4 furry children. Kaylie, Andre, Scooby and Ike. Ike is my trusty service dog and will be a big part of this blog. He goes EVERYWHERE with me. He hates shopping (like most men), loves Starbucks, their cookies, not coffee, and loves to swim. I hope there are no fountains on campus or we might be getting wet!.

About me: Stumpy, average weight, brown hair (used to be blonde but I just colored it to be a more serious student) and have had 72 surgeries in the past couple years. Yes, 72, that's right. I lost two muscles in my leg ( hence Ike the service dog) have had major staph infections several times, ended up in Intensive care after an over zealous Doctor overdosed me on Methadone...yeah, breathing is NOT overrated no matter what they tell ya!. Keep giving blood as I have had many blood transfusions. I wonder whose blood I have coursing through my veins??? Can I blame them for the thoughts I am putting down on this blog??? Thoughts for another day!

Back to this school thing! I am starting as a freshman, I think I told you that already. I have a B.A in Psychology already from a school back East in Connecticut. I am attending Palomar College in San Marcos California. You might have heard of San Marcos??? Ike Turner just died there of an overdose of Cocaine. Not really what I want you to think of my campus so forget I told you that.

Ahhh College, the hopes and dreams of youth. I just hope and dream that my 90 year old body can even make it every day. I am on the 12 step program for this...take 12 steps at a time and hopefully Ike and I will make it to our classroom.

I hope no one is allergic...to Ike....not an almost 40 year old freshman! Until later