Okay, we left off with the Silent One letting me borrow a stumpy pencil. I now had the materials needed to actively participate in class. Pencil, paper, brain, check. Ikey on the floor snoozing almost quietly, check. Okay let's get this party started already!. ( Minutes before I was hoping for a late start when I had to buy my $3.oo pad of paper).
Now, like I said, this story is not for the faint of heart. Some may find material offensive. I did!. Talk about Shock and Awe, President Bush has nothing on this teacher!.
So, I am sitting with my stumpy pencil and $3.oo pad ready to go and in walks Elmer Fudd with a better body. Maybe Barney Fife ( you older folks may know who that is) with the body of the incredible hulk. He stumbles in and just starts talking about....I have no idea!. He starts with telling us that he took a year sabbatical in Germany. He did a house swap and encouraged us to look into it. He told us that he got paid from the school to go over there and just hang out. Where can I sign up for that job!. That's a job even I can do. He then went on a tirade about everything from OJ Simpson, to Scott Peterson, to his wife. He told us that he was a material witness to the Scott Peterson trial, that he thought OJ didn't get a fair trial and that he and his wife had sex and somehow are now having a baby. Yeah, I think we all know how a baby is made, and don't really need to know about is sex life. He also told us that he and his wife have a bet going on to see who gets " fixed first". TMI enough already.
He then tried to intimidate us by telling us that he used to be a cop in some Podunk town in California. He said he was a hard ass and wrote the most tickets EVER in the town. Is he trying to make up for a small male part?? We will have to wait and see...hopefully not! Why else would he want to intimidate 18 year olds.
He went on to tell us that he is a surfer and that if he is late for class then he is "hanging loose" and catching the "big one". Yeah, I'm paying for this class and the teacher is out practicing his "cutbacks" and gnarly "hang tens". He actually called the students dudes. " hey dude fix the door so no slackers can get in". He forgot the roll book ( he was too busy with his wife and kids), he forgot his lecture notes so he was just 'winging it". He warned us that he gets "crabby" often so not to push his buttons. Don't get too "smart" with him of you will get thrown out of class, I think I will just sit in the back with Ike and keep my mouth shut. This guy reminds me of my previous boss at one said wine company. He loved the "boss" title and reminded me all the time who was in charge. I don't know if these kind of people actual believe that instilling fear in people is really a good way to be a leader. A good leader in my book is someone approachable and instills confidence in their students and employees, not holds them down, under their thumb, putting down their ideas as stupid or unprofessional or even worse , the boss taking credit for the success that is obviously not theirs!.
Now that you have some background on this guy I can continue with the story. Let's just call him Barney. Barney is talking again, going on and on about how great he is when all of a sudden he says something about the tv show "Adam 12". Now I remember the name but I was too young to remember anything about the show. You know by now that I have Desperately been trying to fit in at school. Yes, I know, Ikey reminds me all the time of how GREAT he fits in with his BLACK coat, he such a BIT** ah... female dog sometimes! I don't have any Goth clothes, I don't have "hoodies", and I definitely don't skate board. I have a limp, a service dog, and wrinkes...yeah...I'm out there like Britney Spears at a Court Hearing:) So, now I am sitting there minding my own business when all of a sudden...the teacher says, out of all the people in the class, " You, you must remember Adam 12 right, your about my age". THANKS, THANKS a lot!!! It's not bad enough that I am labeled as " different" , my teacher did not have to point it out that I am about 20 years older than everyone else in class. The Silent One moves her desk further from mine and I can just see the horror in her face that someone in the class might think she is OLD like me. Thanks BUD, DUDE. I was so mad. He just keep going not realizing he just killed my chances of fitting in in that class.
Now, I am still waiting to take any notes in class.( since I spent $3.00 on it) Are we going to talk about ANYTHING to do with the subject?. NOT yet. The teacher was not done trying to intimidate the class. The teacher decided we are about 8 years old, "Everyone needs to come with good hygiene" " Brush your teeth, take a shower at least before my class", I hope most people know that they need to take a shower a couple times a week, come on guy, they are 18!. Barney then decided that the guys in the class were being disrespectful because they have baseball caps on. He went right up to this one guy with his hat on backwards, lots of tattoos and of course a tight black shirt with skulls on it. Barney got right into this guys face and told him he was being disrespectful for having the hat on, and worse, backwards, OH THE HORROR!. Now, I don't think I would mess with this kid. He looks very tough. The guy did not get up, did not take his hat off and said to the teacher that " I don't take my hat off for no one, I listen to my own rules not yours". Oh My GOD, we are going to have a knife fight right here in my class. Someone needs to back down and fast. Luckily for the teacher he decided he would back down, but it didn't stop him from continuing with the rest of the students. He went up to two girls and told them to stop wearing revealing clothes in his classroom, that seeing "boobs" is not going to get them good grades. Who is this guy! He wants no boobs, no hats, no bad breath, no body odor.....then he leaves the room. Where did he go, he said nothing and just walks out. Does this man have a serious MENTAL ILLNESS?. Everyone is looking around wondering what we should do. Should we leave?. Is class over?? OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD, you have to be kidding me....
The teacher just walked back into the class with his pants halfway down his butt. He has a hat on backwards, tidy whiteys sticking out and I hate to say this but you could see a bulge ...YUCK...not what I ever wanted to see at school, or anywhere for that matter!!. You don't see that much in an "R" rated movie for god sakes!. What was he thinking?. It was disgusting. I don't care if he was trying to make a point, which he had already made by telling people to dress with respect. SHOCK and AWFUL!. He went on to walk around the class telling different people that he would never hire someone that looked the way they did, that they must not have respect for themselves to have haircuts like they do, clothes like that ect ect. I was about the only one he didn't pick on...but that is because I am GRANDMA!. ( no offense to any of the hip grandma's out there).
Class is about to end, we really have not done anything, when he decided to finally talk about class assignments. He hands out a syllabus and starts going over it. He starts to mention that we need to have pages in a workbook completed. A workbook? What workbook?. I have a text book, but no workbook. The teacher asks if anyone has the workbook. One person! One person has the workbook and only because their friend took the class last year. The rest of us look around at each other wondering what is going on. Barney then tells us " Your on your own getting the workbook, check the bookstore, community colleges, American Red Cross, but it's your responsibility to get it". Someone mentions that you can't get it at the bookstore and the teacher says " I already told you it's up to you to find it and get the work done". Great, just great! I ask the Silent One if she has the workbook or knows where to get one, but she just mumbles and walks away. Since the teacher pointed me out as " the old one" I am a social Pariah.
As I am leaving the teacher sees Ike out of the corner of his eye. He totally stops talking to the students who were in front of him to exclaim " A dog, in MY class, coool duuude". I turned and asked " does that mean I get an automatic A". He grumbles something and then says that next class " we need to go over the rules of having a service dog in class" and then goes back to whatever he was saying. Next class should be interesting but hopefully G rated!:)))
Okay, back to the bookstore to see if maybe, just maybe they have this elusive workbook. My little friend was working again, the guy that gave me the complete history of pads and papers. He asked me if I wanted his help again and I said sure. Why should I navigate the shelves alone when I can have little 18 year old's help. He tells me he has to get someone to take his place at the backpack station and goes inside. Okay, am I supposed to wait for him, go inside and he'll meet me in there....not quite sure what's going on. I finally just go inside and start looking for the workbook. when I can't find anything that looks like it, I go get help from the most androgynous person I have ever seen. I am still not sure if it was a man or a woman. This person went over to the shelf where the workbook would be, had the teacher ORDERED it. This "Pat"( are there any Saturday Night Live fans out there?) told me that the teacher did not order the workbook to go along with the text book. I told "Pat" that I need the workbook, the teacher has assigned work that has to be done in this workbook by Monday!. "Pat" shakes her/his head and tells me that I am SOL and that unless the teacher calls and places the order there is nothing they can do to help. What am I going to do. I can't get this workbook from my own school?. This is messed up. The teacher mentioned trying the other local schools. I drive half hour to Mira Costa college, a community college nearby. I drag Ike out of the car and we go trudging up the path to their bookstore. I walk around aimlessly looking for anything that might be this workbook but NOTHING. I ask for help and they ask me what class the workbook is for. I have to then admit I am not a student at their school and it's not for a class there. I explain the situation and all they can do to help is to tell me "that sucks that your teacher would do that". NO KIDDING...now give me the book!.
That was a complete waste of time. I drove half hour for nothing. I finally just called the American Red Cross and asked them to overnight it to me.
What a day! I hope school gets a little less weird.
Jennifer and Ike
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