Monday, April 21, 2008

Tales from the Hospital



Hello everyone! I have not had a new post in months. I bet you were thinking that I had run of with Cesar Milan:) The Dog Whisperer, not quite. I won the grand prize of four surgeries from March 3rd until March 15th. It was not a whole lot of fun. Ikey got to come and visit me which was the highlight of my days there. At least I had my own room. I have had some very strange and actually Violent roommates. I had this one roommate who cried every 5 minutes for a nurse to come, I have no idea what was wrong with her besides the fact she was a pain in the you know what. When the nurses did not come fast enough for you liking she decided that I needed to help her. I just had surgery, I couldn't walk, she could!. She got very upset when I didn't come over to her bed to help her. She got out of her bed, picked up her walker and threw it at me, no kidding! Her I was scrunched up in my bed as far against the wall as I could get and she is throwing things at me. There were no other rooms available. I had to stay in this room with this woman who screamed at the top of her lungs that people were being mean to her, she wasn't able to smoke, her stupid as%$ husband wasn't visiting her, yep that was a great day. Another time I had a woman who thought God talked to her through a woman in Brazil, but she couldn't get the call to go through. Every two minutes she would pick up the phone and dial a number. She would say a couple words in Spanish and hang up. Now, this would be annoying if she was not on pain killers and speaking in a regular voice. She was so out of it that I don't think she dialed the same number twice, she YELLED into the phone, Rosa Is That You, It's Carmella, ROSA answer me and then she would pass out zzzzzzzzz Rosa Is that you!!! IT"S ME Carmella God%^$& zzzzzzz and asleep she was again. This went on, no lie for the whole day. Finally at around 7pm I asked her if I could dial the number for her. Understand that again I had just had leg surgery, not able to really get out of bed, but god as my witness Carmella was GOING to speak to Rosa. I pulled my stay puff marshmallow leg off the tower of pillows it was on, lowered my bed as far as it would go, and crossed the mighty divide between our beds. Boy was she surprised when I landed on her bed! In her haze she gave me the Brazilian Gods' ( otherwise now and always "Rosa") number. It was about 20 digits long and I had my doubts that I would end up speaking Spanish to Rosa or anyone for that matter. After a long silence the phone actually rang....." Hola, Rosa?, Si, Rosa, IT"S HER!!! I am speaking to the Brazilian God. I told her I had Carmella for her on the line and ...it was like Charo gone wild. AyyayyyaChicychicyayyyyaa CarmellaAYYAAAcoochycoochy. I gave the phone to Carmella and thought my job was done and I could take my staypuff leg and cross the great divide and back to bed ( plus I had to go to the bathroom:)). But....Carmella had her own ideas on what I needed. She decided that I needed to be healed and saved by Rosa! Rosa, the Brazilians God, Rosa, the Charo gone wild coochy coochy was now going to save my soul....and she wanted me to PAY for this great service. WHAT!!!!! I had just gritted my teeth, pulled my stay puff leg off the leaning tower of pillows, crossed the great divide to help poor poor Carmella out and now I had to Pay to talk to CHARO! I can't make this up folks, this is the truth. I kindly told Carmella that I was sure Rosa could save my soul but I really needed to get back to my bed before someone came in to check, as I was ordered NOT to get out of bed. I have had roommates that ONLY watched "Little House on the Prairie" and there is only one tv for every room, a woman who's husband was a drunk and came to visit and swore like a sailor and had more Gas than Mobile, A woman who thought it was 1940's Pittsburgh while we were in Dallas hospital, and the stories go on.


I hope you enjoyed a few fun stories and I hope my next post will be sooner rather than later.

Jennifer and Ikey